Waiting

I felt it most acutely last Sunday...the ache...the longing. This feeling, especially during church, was highly inappropriate. It wasn't that I was completely self-centered, I truly was happy for the little guy standing up before the entire congregation

          and his estatic family....

I baptize you in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit!

Shouts, whistles and clapping erupts from the congregation as the eight year old rises up from the water sputtering and smiling simultaneously. As he breaks wet with wonder and sloshes forth from the baptismal, I lean into his tear filled mom whispering awkward congratulations...

But What I really want to say is...  Is it true? I want to know. Has your son really acknowledged his death? Does he fully realize that the beginning of his new life journey starts here? That this is the most important decision of his life; to permanently proclaim Christ as Sovereign, as Savior, and as the never ending source of all his satisfaction?  


Because years of the battle-scars has given me this, and this I know...

Nail pierced grace never lets go, and Christianity takes a lifetime to become who you really are. That for a Christian, identity is never about figuring out who he is --- but accepting Whose he is.


    ~Ann Voskamp

I want to ask her if she's estatically happy,  or afraid for her son like I would be...that baptism means the releasing of one's obituary, a testament to the killing of one's self. Because that is what being a Christian is...to deny self and follow the one who gives us life.  Making this terrifying public declaration of allegiance to Christ and the tenants of the Kingdom, puts her son on a lifetime journey of having to battle with  dead flesh's daily betrayals to all he claims to hold dear. That throughout his life he will spend more time on his knees claiming, and reclaiming Gospel's promises through eyes reddened by tears, than on his feet.

We must beware that children raised in a Christian home with parents who faithfully bring them to church, can learn how to behave like a Christian without being one. Often these children “accept Jesus” when they are very young, and subsequently assume they are Christians even when there is little evidence of new birth as they mature.
      ~Children Desiring God

She grins wide in response...and I leave the sanctuary wondering when I too will burn Holy Joy...

Later on in the car, husband stops to refuel and eldest mentions that he doesn't want to get baptized like the boy from his Sunday School class.

Son, do you know what it means.....to be baptized?

Youngest pipes in...yeah it means you have accepted Jesus into your heart.

Oh....but it's so much more....it is the commitment to a lifetime of the putting to death of self. It is not a one time act. The pulse of the old, dead man can flicker long after burial, and new life in Christ is actually war against fleshly desires. The battles with your flesh will last your whole life, but you won't have to do it alone, Christ will send His Holy Spirit to empower you, and comfort you through the battles. And we have the knowledge that eventually this war will victoriously be won...and when Christ comes back to gather His own, all the heartache and joys from your battles will be rewarded. Then to one day see Him, He to whom we have sworn allegience and our love, will be the most satisfying reward of all. To be with Him for all eternity is the Hope that makes this short life meaningful. So boys, becoming a Christian, and then living as a Christian will be by far the most worthwhile, and hardest thing you'll ever do.

Eldest looks up,  stops fiddling with the sunday school prize he'd gotten for bringing his bible, and says...

I don't want to become baptized...because I would be to embarrased.

I turn back to look out the front window as we continue the drive home. I can wait. Even if  Barna report emphatically states children who become christians usually do so before age twelve...or the odds are that they wont. Even if...every child in the church my son's age make public commitments, except mine...

 I will be patient and wait on God's perfect timing.

Then when my boys are ready to make life's most important step to surrender to God's sovereignty...they will know exactly what they are doing, and will be able to count the cost before choosing to follow the path of the Christ follower.

May it be that not only would our children accept the ways of God without question, but may they also excitedly embrace the purposes and works of God-whatever they are, and no matter how it affects them personally. What a joy to see children grow to be adults who have an unshakeable faith in the purposes and promises of God. May they look with anticipation toward's God's "summons" in their lives, realizing that they are part of God's wonderfully designed plan for the world.
     ~Sally Michael

Wait on the LORD; Be of good courage, And He shall strengthen your heart; Wait, I say, on the LORD!        
             ~Psalm 27:14

Always Seeking Higher Ground,

Nora