God's Weaving~Stones of Remembrance

"Time is the most undefinable yet paradoxical of things; the past is gone, the future is not come, and the present becomes the past even while we attempt to define it, and, like the flash of lightning, at once exists and expires..."

        ~Charles Caleb Colton

Six and a half years ago ago my eldest son entered my life. Just a toddler, he came to us from a Russian Baby Home and broke my heart and soul wide open.

         And today that son has turned Nine years old!

I praise God for giving me this son. God has used him in my life in ways he'll never know, and though he was not woven and knit in my womb, he is eternally and intrinsically woven together with me. His transformation cannot be separated from my transformation. He has challenged and changed me in ways I had been able to avoid most my life.

           But after he came, I couldn't avoid them any longer.

Being his mother has pushed me into character I had been content to live without.

There are many reasons why I love him.

As I look into his sometimes smiling, sometimes sullen face,

I am a reminded of those reasons

and they are marvelous!

   We are connected in ways deeper than blood, he and I. 

  Part of God's royalty, us two. Two of kind;

Both of us growing wild,

undergoing transformation...

as we are grafted into God's family tree

through adoption.

And you, being a wild olive, were grafted in among them and became partaker with them of the rich root of the olive tree...They also, if they do not continue in their unbelief, will be grafted in, for God is able to graft them in again.
           ~Romans 11:17, 23   

For all who are being led by the Spirit of God, these are sons of God. For you have not received a spirit of slavery leading to fear again, but you have received a spirit of adoption as sons by which we cry out, "Abba! Father!"
       ~Romans 8:14,15

I love you, my son.

Your creativity, your passion, your brilliance,

your deepness, your overdeveloped sense of survival

and your hesitancy to trust,

have been planted smack dab in the middle

of my dry, barren ground. 

May your roots cling to me as my soil clings to you.

                  

     And together may we grow, and become a memorial to our Lord.

                                                        

                    The first planting in the Almighty's garden.

Happy Birthday

Lord, let me live this short season that I have with my son to the fullest. Keep me strong, selfless, and filled with Your grace and mercy. Help my children know without a doubt that my love for them is true, though imperfect. Pour out Your Spirit on my offspring, making them steadfast as trees firmly planted by Your flowing stream. Let them grow up to be fed by Your water...the water of Life so they don't thirst after unrighteousness, and temporary pleasures. Call them out of the world to be claimed as Your own, wholly devoted to You.

I will pour my Spirit upon your offspring, and my blessing on your descendants. They shall spring up among the grass like willows by flowing streams. This one will say, 'I am the LORD’s,' another will call on the name of Jacob, and another will write on his hand, 'The LORD’s,' and name himself by the name of Israel.

        ~Isaiah 44:3b-5

Always Seeking Higher Ground,

Nora

Adoption Lessons

In the midst of yet, another tantrum, I sat on my child's bed,  as I tried again to reach through his overwhelming emotions to his heart. Shooting me a look of defiance, he continued to pound his fists against the bedframe, yelling loudly and vehemently. Patience had deserted me long ago, and negative thoughts compounded with fear kept running through my mind...Why does parenting this child have to be so hard? Why do my children always have to battle with me over everything that I say? And  where God, is the joy that  I should be experiencing as a parent?
 

If there is one thing I wish I had known up front before that day we picked up our sons from a Russian baby home, it would be to expect spiritual warfare like I've never seen before.
 

Six years ago, I wasn't prepared for the dark years that hit me.

For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.
        ~ Ephesians 6:12

Many were the days that I felt like my children were my enemy.

But Ephesians 6:12 reminded me that the truth is, Satan is the real enemy. He hates families. Especially families who are on a journey of restoration. He schemes against my children, my husband and myself. He continually tries to pull this little family apart.

Satan's goal is to separate us. He is on the prowl trying to separate this family through conflict, hurt feelings, misunderstandings, and frustration. He wants to separate us from God's best, and from God Himself.

But God prunes in order to bring forth more fruit, and He used those dark days to pruneback what was dead in me, in order to nurture hope, dependence and faith.

I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful.
     ~John 15:1-2

Adoption had cut me sheer back to the quick. For longest time my branches bore no fruit, no buds, no leaves, just bare stark stubs. I was supposed to be a "spiritual example", but instead I became a walking picture of how evil the human heart is and how deep the darkness goes.

Parents, when you give in to anger, resentment or self-pity at your children’s bad behavior, you make yourself the center of the problem. You must love your kids enough to show them the danger of their behavior. They need to see that their first problem is with God, and only secondarily with you.

     ~John A. Younts

Thank the Lord His redemption goes just as deep.

During the years of testing, God nurtured life in me when my faith was weak and small, and I shared in the journey of restoration that God had planned not just for my boys, but for me as well.

God used adoption to expose a myth in my life: That God chiefly desires our obedience.


After all, obedience makes life easier for everybody. As the momma, I can force obedience...to a point. But obedience is not what a good parent wants most.

And it certainly isn't what God wants most.

He wants relationship.

Adoption had illuminated my deepest fears and showed my desire for control. It presented me with the choice to parent my children and indeed, live my life, trying to affect a certain outcome or... giving all I've got, freely and generously, trusting God to be the sovereign One.

I came to the point that I realized having this performance perspective was robbing my boys and myself of a better relationship. Trusting in God's providence enabled love to supercede obedience, reaching beyond consequences for behavior, to my children's hearts.

Behavior is heart driven, therefore, correction, discipline and training – all parenting – must be addressed to the heart. The fundamental task of parenting is shepherding the hearts of your children.

     ~Tedd Tripp

Adoption has taught me how important is is to live life by faith and not by sight. To be dependent on a God who is sovereign and caring.

Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.
    ~Hebrews 11:1 

Choosing to add to our family through adoption, we stepped out in faith. Unlike having children through childbirth, it is bringing in many unknowns into your life. You do not know exactly why this child has been orphaned, or what their experiences have been up to the point when they come into your family. My children came with a past. Accepting them as ours, meant taking them in faith.
It takes faith to ride out the emotions of dealing with the traumas in their past. It takes faith to raise children that need to discover who they are, and who God has made them to be. It takes faith from beginning to end.

Adopting children brought situations in life that we couldn't anticipate. But this wound up exposing and liberating me from very subtle form of self-righteousness. I have become more humble in my parenting. I was challenged to the edge of my faith, but God met me there. I now try not to judge others by what I see of their lives. I know that there is so much more than I could ever know.
 
I had to learn not to worry about what people are thinking when I hauled my children out of the grocery store out of control and screaming because...
 
Others don't see the end of faith.
 
But it is Faith that sees children healed, and

          Faith that sees children that had no one,

                   put into families where they are loved
 
                                  faults and all...
 
 
Adoption is increasing my gratitude and thankfulness.
 
It was hard at first. I had bought Satan's whispers that there was only negative there with very little positive to find. But with the realization that God brings difficult people in our lives to teach us how to love like He does, it slowly changed everything. It was as if the clouds of negativity lifted and I started seeing my children's good qualities. There were so many good qualities; I was shocked...

        how could I have been so blind?

 
Now when my child screams and throws a tantrum because of unmet wants or desires, and yes six years later they still do, I am trying to learn to sink to my knees and thank God for the opportunity to grow in love and to deny myself.

Train up a child in the way he should go – but be sure you go that way yourself.

      ~C.H. Spurgeon

In that respect I guess my parenting experience is really no different than anyone else's. Ultimately all difficult situations the Lord allows because He has a much higher goal for us. Sacrificial living is our sanctification. It is how God grows us towards Him...

              eventually making us all more like Christ.







Always Seeking Higher Ground,

Nora

Loving Like Jesus

I'm not sure if it's my 24 long years of teaching, or my Dutch background, but there were two things I definently knew about children, specifically boys.

#1. They need boundaries
#2. They need consistent consequences when those boundaries are crossed.



That morning, I looked at clock, and motioned for the boys to get dressed for church. I needed, and was looking forward to an uninterrupted hour and a half at home, alone, readying procrastinated report cards due the next day. With a sinking heart, I recognized the look in my son's eyes, and I knew...

               a robbery was about to take place.


Do I have to? I don't want to go...

Anxiety pushed it way up into my throat. I'd been down this rocky road with him too many times before, and I surely didn't want to go there now.

Please Lord let this blow over...

Frustration thickening my speech I quickly uttered, Yes, you do need to go...Papa doesn't want to be late. Look your brother is almost done..

Grunts and groans signal eldest's opinion, as his father exited from the bedroom door.

C'mon son, I'll help you. Do what your mother has asked and let's get done.

The look in eldest's eye now included the set of his chin. It was the look of defiance. As the minutes wore on, his belligerance grew as did my resolve.

Who does he think he is commanding the whole family the way he does? It's not the first time we have been taken hostage by his control issues.

Honey, I tell husband, just go...he's not ready, so you just need to leave. 

No! Papa needs to stay, you go!

If you want to be with your father you need to get dressed immediately, and go with him. It's your choice son.

No...Papa stays!

Honey, go! It's the only way he will learn that there are consequences for his choices.

Silently mouthing the words, I'm sorry, reluctantly husband turns and hurries out the door with youngest in tow. They quickly get in the car, and without looking back, they head up the long driveway out.

Time and tides wait for no man
         ~Geoffrey Chaucer

Angry and disappointed, I sadly watch them go, and turn to face my six year old son, bracing myself for the unleashing of his uncontrolled anger, characteristic of these first years since adopting him from the baby home.

But surprisingly, the belligerance from moments before is gone, and instead my child is standing in the middle of the living room silent... in shock. He looks at me bewildered...

He's gone?

Yes, son...he had to go...it was late.

Like a man of straw, he crumples to the floor weeping loudly and uncontrollably.

I'm not prepared for this...I'm prepared to do battle. Gradually I reach out to him, to take him in my arms to let him cry it out.

If he wanted to go this bad, why didn't he just get dressed?

Screaming, get away! he runs through the house to the outside, and into the driveway where he again collapses into a muddled heap. Anger and disappointment melt as I gaze at my son...and now I'm longing to go to him and comfort him.

                    But he doesn't trust me.

If your child has experienced abandonment, his need for connection is magnified more than most children, yet at the same time, he is going to be scared of this connection. It is a difficult place to live: needing connection yet being terrified of it at the same time. What your child needs most from you is a relationship with you. Your relationship with him needs to be the number one priority in all interactions with him, which means setting the negative behaviors aside for the moment and giving your child unconditional love in times of heightened stress and behavioral outbursts.
    ~Heather Forbes (Beyond Consequences, Logic and Control) 

I go to him, and pull my sobbing boy into my arms. We slowly walk back into the house where we settle in the middle of the kitchen floor. Encircling him, I gently rock back and forth. When finally his cries become softer, and hiccupping takes their place, he ventures his first words as I continue stroking his head.

Do..do...you think Papa will miss me?


Understanding causes tears to begin coursing down my cheeks as I continue to hold him close...

Oh Lord...blinded by self-centered arrogance, forgive me I was so wrong...this child of ours doesn't need to learn to get dressed on time-he needs to know he has a parent who loves him enough to wait...
   
             who loves him enough to sacrifice like Jesus did.

This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you.
      ~John 15:12

Jesus said in verse 12, "Love one another, as I loved you." Now, you can't love to the point of redeeming the whole world, but you can love with a sacrificial kind of love that gives. God isn't expecting you to love with a dimension of love equal to Christ's. He is expecting your love to have a sacrificial nature like Christ did. His disciples are not merely to be devoted and helpful to each other. They are to love like Jesus loved, who gave of Himself.


       ~John MacArthur


You better believe he misses you! Did you see how long he waited before he knew he absolutely had to go? He kept hoping you would change your mind. He probably is counting the minutes right now until he can come back to you.


I glance up and notice a Bible, perched on the kitchen table...


Look son! Papa left his Bible on the table.

Eyes light up. Do you think he would want me to bring it to him?

He would be so happy if it was you who was bringing it to him...Let's get dressed. We'll both go to church and see if we can meet him in the sanctuary...


It (Love) always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres...

             Love never Fails.      

               ~I Corinthians 13: 7,8b

Always Seeking Higher Ground,

Nora

God's Patient Guide-Stones of Remembrance

He's SEVEN! My baby boy, turned 7 on the 7th. He, who was one, when first we met in a Russian Baby Home. He had a smile that lit up a dark place, and a contagious laugh which made even stoic caregivers in white coats smile.

I couldn't believe that God had entrusted us with such a beautiful baby boy.

He has given us a gentle, patient guide (the Holy Spirit) who is willing to go with us all the way, and come into the minutest steppings of our life.
                ~A.B. Simpson

"Time flies by quickly" so I have always heard "them" say.

Everytime I look at my youngest, I realize over and over again how right "they" are. One day these boys of mine will be well on their way to becoming boy-men, and I'm sure the challenges of now will be considered simple compared to then.

 I am continually reminded that this is just a season~this time that they are young.

This season of motherhood.

It's okay to lay things aside. Alot of hobbies have had to go on the back burner along with week nights out, movies on a big screen, and long shopping expeditions... It's okay that there is still a penny stuck in the dryer door that makes a terrible scraping sound everytime I close it,  or that the floor in the kitchen can't be kept clean for more than an hour.

It's okay that things get ruined, that I never feel like I get enough sleep, and I never get to finish a novel without constant interruptions...It's even okay that our car looks like it came from the bario, and smells even worse. Or that the screen door has been ripped apart from the constant comings and goings, that there are sticky fingerprints on the TV set, or even that everyone looks nice for church when we walk in on Sunday, except for me.

because this life is not about me.

And it's been the best thing that could have happened.

 Lord let me live this short season to the fullest. Keep me strong, selfless, and filled with Your grace and mercy. Help my children know without a doubt that my love for them is true, though imperfect. Pour out Your Spirit on my offspring, making them steadfast as trees firmly planted by Your flowing stream. Let them grow up to be fed by Your water...the water of Life so they don't thirst after unrighteousness, and temporary pleasures. Call them out of the world to be claimed as Your own, wholly devoted to You.

I will pour my Spirit upon your offspring, and my blessing on your descendants. They shall spring up among the grass like willows by flowing streams. This one will say, 'I am the LORD’s,' another will call on the name of Jacob, and another will write on his hand, 'The LORD’s,' and name himself by the name of Israel.
                    ~Isaiah 44:3b-5

Always Seeking Higher Ground,

Nora

Joining Ann @ Holy Experience and the rest of the Gratitude Community by continuing the counting of multitudes of blessings, and being ever so grateful. Keeping a List of a 1000 Gifts that paves a way to a life of thankfulness.

91.) strong, healthy boys

92.) His mercies that are new every morning

93.) friends and family gathered for birthdays

94.) God's wisdom learned from my children

95.) the Gratitude Community

96.) 2nd, 3rd, 4th..etc. chances

97.) the re-meeting of childhood friends

98.) His Guiding Hand

99.) a funny story that makes for a good laugh

100.) a Godly father who is courageous in pain.

Loving Like the Father

Boxes, books, and papers lay piled up in dark corners of bedroom, some not having been moved since being put there almost six years previous. Others, if moved at all, have mostly lived a life of shuffling around from one niche to another without a moments glance as to the content. Time has been a luxury these last 6 years. No one ever said parenting was easy. We found out why. Since adopting both boys simultanously from Russia, parenting has been full of highs and lows. Many were exhilarating days, standing on the top of this mountain just inches away from God's breath. Other days, sometimes weeks at a time, would just continue to spiral downwards...

But God provided encouragement and progress in small steps over the years. He always knew when each inch, painstakingly taken, would eventually turn into a mile.

Title of  book catches eye.

I remember this... one of Grandma's treasures given victoriously after successful thrift store hunt a few years ago. An old book, she considered a "real find". Something she thought could be shared someday with the boys. It contained beautiful photographs of families brought together through adoption, with captions celebrating reasons for...Why I Chose You. 

Slowly picking up book, eyes rest on photos of smiling, happy families...gleeful newlyweds, husbands and wives in second decade of marriage, single women, couples with eight children, couples with a child in the womb...all joyfully commiting to decision to bring a child, or children into their home, who had no home before.

Reality many times tells a different story. Adoption can be messy. Many families brought together through adoption are daily reminded of condition that afflicts us all. Brokenness. The history of abuse, abandonment, rejection, neglect, loss and grief, in varying ways and to varying degrees, often is a part of the adoption journey calling for a lifelong commitment from adoptive families to help their children heal.

But these ashes can be traded in for beauty....

We are all born spiritual orphans. Apart from Jesus Christ we too are abandoned, found in squalor, rejected, stricken with a fatal disease called sin. We have no family, no father, no future. we are broken and... messy.

We all need God’s unconditional love...

But when the fullness of time had come, God sent forth his Son, born of woman, born under the law, to redeem those who were under the law, so that we might receive adoption as sons.
                    ~Galatians 4:4–5

Behold! What manner of love the Father has for us, that we should be called the children of God. And that is what we are!
                    ~1 John 3:1-2

 God adopts us out of free love, not because our character and record show us worthy to bear His name, but despite the fact that they show the very opposite. We are not fit for a place in God’s family; the idea of His loving and exalting us sinners as He loves and has exalted the Lord Jesus sounds ludicrous and wild — yet that, and nothing less than that, is what our adoption means.
                      ~ J.I. Packer

Realization sinks in as text becomes clear. Captions with pictures speak... for I too am chosen.

~I chose you because we were meant to be together.

~I chose you because I wanted to wipe away your tears.

~I chose you so you could be comforted in times of need.

~I chose you so I could teach you what you need to know.

~I chose you to help you become the best person you could become.

~I chose you so you could become a help to others.

~I chose you to bring joy to the empty places of your heart.

  ...I chose you because I wanted to show you love without limits.

But God’s choice of us is utterly and eternally different. He didn’t make us His children because we were prettier than others. Divine adoption isn’t concerned with physical health or financial wealth or potential or a person’s past history. God loves the unlovely and unappealing. God loves because God loves.

                  ~Sam Storms

We have been created in God’s image and are being restored to that image because of the redemptive work of the Son of God. We, as God’s children, are privileged to be able to love like our Father. The decision to adopt a child is a replication of our Father’s love for us.

What a great blessing to seek out a child, whose life is charted for misery, and to bring that child into the warmth, security, and discipline of a Christian home. What a privilege to intervene – to reverse inevitable circumstances of abuse, neglect, or worse – and to transfer a child from darkness to light. What a clear picture of God’s adoptive grace to us: to propel our own adopted child on the pathway of holiness, to bring blessing to our own heavenly Father!

                     ~Dr. Dave Garner

Father of Love. Here on your earth, adoptive love, is unspeakably special. But the sacrifice and passion, though beautiful and wonderful, pales before the brilliant light of your love for us; we who  once were spiritual orphans.

Father, thank you for your many reasons for choosing me. Help me to love my children the way You love me...

Adoption is a wonderful metaphor for God’s gracious relations toward us and more than a metaphor, it is a fact of the Christian faith.

                       ~Russell Moore

Always Seeking Higher Ground,

Nora