Cycles of Brokenness

A timely repost from the Archives.....
~Nora

Remembering sins grieves, and shortcomings cripple... when you know in the marrow of your bones that if only you were more tender, more joy-filled, more organized, more gracious, more endearing, more persuasive, more something (yes, Christ-like), this family wouldn’t be scraping up against each other so painfully, and bruising each other so darkly.
  

That if I led better, they’d follow better.

 But I’m utterly impotent.

True christianity is indeed a lifestyle. It is a moment by moment lifestyle of agreeing with God about the true condition of my heart and life. Not as everyone thinks it to be, but as He knows it to be. It's transparent honesty. Humility before God and others. Nothing between my soul and God. It's a heart that is penetrated by His Word.
   ~Nancy Leigh DeMoss

Even tragedy doesn't guarantee one will have brokenness and humility.



Many times we think we are broken because we've been through "great difficulty." We've had very low times, of great grief or emotion. We've been bruised, hurt, used. We've come face to face with the difficulty of failed relationships, or possibly faced death of a loved one, maybe walked through abuse of some sort.

But deep hurts can come and it may only bring with it false humility, inward bitterness, anger, self-reliance, self-pity. For some, walls are built so that no one will know the truth of our sins, and others obsess with a morbid introspection.

In otherwords, self-love.


Many times in life I have felt broken, and my response was not God honoring. The brokenness I experienced wasn't one of spiritual brokenness and a turning to Christ for redemption... but rather one of frustration over not being able to control the circumstances and prove my self-rightness to others. True brokenness carries with it the conviction that my heart is deceitful and desperately wicked, and alone, I can do no good thing.

The heart is deceitful above all things,and desperately sick; who can understand it
 ~Jeremiah 17:9

      

Even my repentence is saturated with my depravity.





Our anger, frustration, and self-pity must finally give way to a humbled realization that God is loving us through those times by making us deeply aware of our helplessness and sin, burning away the chafe to reveal Himself to us. 

My ears had heard of you but now my eyes have seen you. Therefore I despise myself and repent in dust and ashes.

     ~Job 42:6

It takes brokenness for the joy of salvation to come. The brokenness of our will - not the brokenness of our person.

...Cast me not away from your presence, and take not your Holy Spirit from me, restore unto me the joy of my salvation, and renew a right spirit within me!
      ~Psalms 51:11

The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise.
      ~Psalm 51:17

The joy of salvation can't come if we don't come to terms with our depravity, and truly see our need for the Savior. All too often , we can be in the midst of tragedy and still not see our need for God. We must pursue repentance. We must see our heart as God sees it. And then we will see with great joy the heart of GOD! The love and tenderness and goodness of a Father.

The one soil that usually withers pride is... brokenness. Broken- ness molds our character closer to the character of God than anything else. To experience defeat, disappointment, loss—the raw ingredients of broken- ness—moves us closer to being more like God than victory and gain and fulfillment ever can.
        ~Mark Buchanan 

The Lord Jesus tells us:

I tell you the truth, unless a kernal of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds.
       ~John 12:24

Life is in the grain of wheat, but there is a very hard shell. For the inner life to come forth, it is imperative that the outward life be replaced. Should the outward remain unbroken... the inward will never be set free. Brokenness if just an act, instead of a heart attitude, does not go deep enough to penetrate the outer shell of our person.

It is the brokenness of our will and subjection to His will, including everything He chooses to ordain, that will finally bring release from struggle. Faith and trust in His sovereignty and goodness, produces joy and peace.

Grief is the one pain that heals all others. Grief is the most important pain there is.
          ~Henry Cloud and John Townsend (How People Grow)

When night comes, and children's heads lay snug in plump pillows, and unbidden memories of who I've been, and how I've fallen, still sting, smart and threaten to spill from heart’s well, I slip into bed, drawing close to my husband; toes finding his... as the rain continues to patter on into the night.

As sleep lays heavy upon my eyes, I ponder, how just over the hill, wheat  germinates...sprouting through earth just before white's flakes fly, then hibernating under heavy winter-down blankets, only to resurrect anew the next spring.

And I realize that God has memories too… of a covenant written in blood, a promise etched on palms, a love that makes all things new.


He will not forget or give up on His broken ones. And His love will never forget or give up on...me.

God and Morning always brings a fresh start...

 

Every great movement of God is preceded by a season of humility and repentance and a time of tearing down walls, of getting honest with God and others about our true spiritual condition.It may be hard. It may hurt. But in the end, God will use brokenness to restore our 'first love' for Jesus.
      ~Nancy Leigh DeMoss

Always Seeking Higher Ground,

Nora

Just When You Started Feeling Better About Yourself

 Building high self esteem is all about trusting oneself and learning to cope with challenges. Know that everyone is worthy of happiness and success, and you deserve all of it! 
      ~Loveleena Rajeev





Religious incantations for self-worth, self-love, and self-acceptance pour out of the TV, drift across the radio waves, and entice people through advertising. Self-promoters continuously promise to cure all of society's ills through doses of self-esteem, self-worth, self-acceptance, and self-love. And everyone, or nearly everyone echoes the refrain: "You just need to love and accept yourself the way you are. You just need to forgive yourself" and "I just have to accept myself the way I am. I'm worth it. I am a lovable, valuable, forgivable person."

But It is not just on Oprah where you hear the mantra which glorifies the self and places the love of ourself at the center as the reason for existence.

Lately, Christian circles are no better. In the Church today, everybody is getting all crazy over themselves, and Christian leaders are placing self-esteem and self-worth in their teachings.

You are special also because you are of great value and worth to God. ... The value or worth of an object is usually determined by the price one is willing to pay to purchase or redeem it. It couldn't be more true for you and me ... I am worth the price God paid for me, which was 'Jesus' ... the real basis for a healthy self-image is to understand and accept the value God has placed on you. ... Christ's loving actions on your behalf have demonstrated and documented forever the great value you have to God.
      ~Josh McDowell (The Secret of Loving)

Success is to be defined as the gift of self-esteem that God gives us as a reward for our sacrificial service in building self-esteem in others. Win or lose: If we follow God’s plan as faithfully as we can, we will feel good about ourselves
  ~Robert Schuller

You were planned for God’s pleasure. The moment you were born into the world God was there as an unseen witness, smiling at your birth. He wanted you alive, and your arrival gave him great pleasure. God did not need to create you, but he chose to create you for his own enjoyment. . . . Bringing enjoyment to God, living for his pleasure, is the first purpose of your life. When you fully understand this truth, you will never again have a problem with feeling insignificant. It proves your worth. If you are that important to God, and he considers you valuable enough to keep with him for eternity, what greater significance could you have?
      ~Rick Warren (Purpose Driven Life)

This kind of mentality ultimately leads to a man-centered theology, which is diametrically opposed to what the Bible teaches.

The goal of salvation and sanctification is that we be conformed to the image of Christ (Rom. 8:29). It's been well said that faith looks out instead of in, and the whole of life falls into line. The more you know Christ and focus on Him, the more the Spirit will make you like Him. But the more you focus on yourself, the more distracted you will be from the proper path.         ~John MacArthur

Man-Centered Theology makes the fatal error of filtering God's Word through MAN's grid, rather than filtering man's thinking through the grid of God's Word.

Our true self worth comes only from knowing Christ died for us in-spite of our sinful rebellion. Knowing that He loves us is what gives us worth, not us loving ourselves giving ourselves worth.
     ~Joni Erickson Tada

Christian! the only thing that makes you differ from the vilest being that pollutes the earth, or from the darkest fiend that gnaws his chains in hell, is the free grace of God!
    ~ Octavious Winslow

The truth of it all is, God is inherantly Holy... and we are not.

If we approach all areas of our life from a mindset of holiness, we see the unworthy filth from which we were taken, and pursue more of the righteousness that is in Christ Jesus.

Growth in holiness will lead a man to see more and more of his own sinfulness.
       ~Tom Wells

Isaiah when faced with the awsomeness of Almighty God fell prostrate on the ground and was only able to mutter, "Woe is me! For I am lost; for I am a man of unclean lips, and I dwell in the midst of a people of unclean lips; for my eyes have seen the King, the Lord of hosts!"

For the first time in his life Isaiah really understood who God was. And at the same instant,
for the first time Isaiah really understood who Isaiah was.
     ~R.C. Sproul 

The journey to personal holiness begins with a right view of God’s holiness, and how depraved we are when compared to Him.

"The plain truth is that a right knowledge of sin lies at the root of all saving Christianity.” If we do not get sin right, we have no hope of getting holiness right.
     ~J.C. Rylie

The only way to understand His holiness is to grow closer to Him through reading His Word and prayer.
Then comes the realization. This seeing the sin of self and through it we become God famished. Hunger gnaws at the inside of the gut and there is a far deeper emptiness.

I believe the holier a man becomes, the more he mourns over the unholiness which remains in him.
       ~C.H. Spurgeon

Holiness doesn't mean the absence of evil in our lives ~ it is the presence of the Holy Spirit and the fruit of the Spirit being lived out. Being honest about who I am is a part of living out of the Spirit. The more we recognize our depravity, the more grateful we become for His grace, and the more He can be glorified through us.

Holiness is being concerned about God's holiness, not our own. Of course, once we are concerned about God's holiness and once our attention is focused on such, we will image God, we will highlight what He eternally is by the way we live.
      ~Geoffrey Paxton

Understanding that God is Holy and Just is a necessary foundation for understanding his Grace and His Love. Holiness is the opposite of sin.


God's holiness and our sinfulness is the contrast in which God's love is seen. It is what makes Christ's death on the cross, and the forgiveness of sin so special. Grace is  wonderful because it is God's response to something that he utterly, utterly detests. This Holy God, the God who hates sin with an unquenchable hatred, is the same God whose love has made a way for us to experience Him. And it was not cheap. It cost him the son who he has loved since before the foundation of the world.


If God were merely loving but not holy, then he would be only pathetically sentimental. But because God's holiness burns so hot, his love is shown in all its power.

In Old Testament times the High Priest could not go into the Most Holy Place of the Temple unless blood was on the altar, thus typifying a covering for sin. Today we have access to God because Jesus Christ shed His blood and placed it on the altar for us. Those who have received Christ as Lord and Savior are a part of His body, and the Father sees us as holy because we are “in Christ".
       ~Carl Groff

About one hundred and sixty years ago, a Scottish surgeon named Sir James Simpson made an important discovery. A devout christian, he was deeply interested in pain relief. Simpson had long been trying to improve the horrifying conditions that plagued surgeons doing operations, and had prayed for a solution that would help both doctor and patient. In 1847 while Dr. Simpson was conducting experiments with chloroform, he realized that by using chloroform, doctors could perform operations without causing pain to their patients. His discovery revolutionized modern medicine, and brought relief to millions of people who had been suffering...

Simpson received many accolades during his life because of his benevolence and commitment to improving the human condition, and when the godly Sir James eventually lay on his deathbed, a friend said to him, “Well, James, soon you will be able to rest on the bosom of Jesus.”


But Simpson completely aware that he was soon to face a Holy God replied,

“I don’t know that I can quite do that, but I do think I can take hold of His garment.”

Those with a proper perception of God’s holiness will tremble at His Word.

       ~Edwin Yamauchi

In the last days perilous times will come. For men will be lovers of self…rather than lovers of God; holding to a form of godliness, although they have denied its power.
      ~2 Tim 3:1-5

Always Seeking Higher Ground,

Nora

Adoption Lessons

In the midst of yet, another tantrum, I sat on my child's bed,  as I tried again to reach through his overwhelming emotions to his heart. Shooting me a look of defiance, he continued to pound his fists against the bedframe, yelling loudly and vehemently. Patience had deserted me long ago, and negative thoughts compounded with fear kept running through my mind...Why does parenting this child have to be so hard? Why do my children always have to battle with me over everything that I say? And  where God, is the joy that  I should be experiencing as a parent?
 

If there is one thing I wish I had known up front before that day we picked up our sons from a Russian baby home, it would be to expect spiritual warfare like I've never seen before.
 

Six years ago, I wasn't prepared for the dark years that hit me.

For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.
        ~ Ephesians 6:12

Many were the days that I felt like my children were my enemy.

But Ephesians 6:12 reminded me that the truth is, Satan is the real enemy. He hates families. Especially families who are on a journey of restoration. He schemes against my children, my husband and myself. He continually tries to pull this little family apart.

Satan's goal is to separate us. He is on the prowl trying to separate this family through conflict, hurt feelings, misunderstandings, and frustration. He wants to separate us from God's best, and from God Himself.

But God prunes in order to bring forth more fruit, and He used those dark days to pruneback what was dead in me, in order to nurture hope, dependence and faith.

I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful.
     ~John 15:1-2

Adoption had cut me sheer back to the quick. For longest time my branches bore no fruit, no buds, no leaves, just bare stark stubs. I was supposed to be a "spiritual example", but instead I became a walking picture of how evil the human heart is and how deep the darkness goes.

Parents, when you give in to anger, resentment or self-pity at your children’s bad behavior, you make yourself the center of the problem. You must love your kids enough to show them the danger of their behavior. They need to see that their first problem is with God, and only secondarily with you.

     ~John A. Younts

Thank the Lord His redemption goes just as deep.

During the years of testing, God nurtured life in me when my faith was weak and small, and I shared in the journey of restoration that God had planned not just for my boys, but for me as well.

God used adoption to expose a myth in my life: That God chiefly desires our obedience.


After all, obedience makes life easier for everybody. As the momma, I can force obedience...to a point. But obedience is not what a good parent wants most.

And it certainly isn't what God wants most.

He wants relationship.

Adoption had illuminated my deepest fears and showed my desire for control. It presented me with the choice to parent my children and indeed, live my life, trying to affect a certain outcome or... giving all I've got, freely and generously, trusting God to be the sovereign One.

I came to the point that I realized having this performance perspective was robbing my boys and myself of a better relationship. Trusting in God's providence enabled love to supercede obedience, reaching beyond consequences for behavior, to my children's hearts.

Behavior is heart driven, therefore, correction, discipline and training – all parenting – must be addressed to the heart. The fundamental task of parenting is shepherding the hearts of your children.

     ~Tedd Tripp

Adoption has taught me how important is is to live life by faith and not by sight. To be dependent on a God who is sovereign and caring.

Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.
    ~Hebrews 11:1 

Choosing to add to our family through adoption, we stepped out in faith. Unlike having children through childbirth, it is bringing in many unknowns into your life. You do not know exactly why this child has been orphaned, or what their experiences have been up to the point when they come into your family. My children came with a past. Accepting them as ours, meant taking them in faith.
It takes faith to ride out the emotions of dealing with the traumas in their past. It takes faith to raise children that need to discover who they are, and who God has made them to be. It takes faith from beginning to end.

Adopting children brought situations in life that we couldn't anticipate. But this wound up exposing and liberating me from very subtle form of self-righteousness. I have become more humble in my parenting. I was challenged to the edge of my faith, but God met me there. I now try not to judge others by what I see of their lives. I know that there is so much more than I could ever know.
 
I had to learn not to worry about what people are thinking when I hauled my children out of the grocery store out of control and screaming because...
 
Others don't see the end of faith.
 
But it is Faith that sees children healed, and

          Faith that sees children that had no one,

                   put into families where they are loved
 
                                  faults and all...
 
 
Adoption is increasing my gratitude and thankfulness.
 
It was hard at first. I had bought Satan's whispers that there was only negative there with very little positive to find. But with the realization that God brings difficult people in our lives to teach us how to love like He does, it slowly changed everything. It was as if the clouds of negativity lifted and I started seeing my children's good qualities. There were so many good qualities; I was shocked...

        how could I have been so blind?

 
Now when my child screams and throws a tantrum because of unmet wants or desires, and yes six years later they still do, I am trying to learn to sink to my knees and thank God for the opportunity to grow in love and to deny myself.

Train up a child in the way he should go – but be sure you go that way yourself.

      ~C.H. Spurgeon

In that respect I guess my parenting experience is really no different than anyone else's. Ultimately all difficult situations the Lord allows because He has a much higher goal for us. Sacrificial living is our sanctification. It is how God grows us towards Him...

              eventually making us all more like Christ.







Always Seeking Higher Ground,

Nora

Giving Up

Many times the Road less traveled  is the only road available.

Give up the bitterness, the anger, the sadness, for what isn't, that you wish you had. And embrace the gift of what you do have. For therein is really what you want more of:   Joy

.~Elizabeth Elliot

Your ball may have gotten a hole, but look at the treasure you found hidden in the grass underneath the tree

 Your cricket may have died, but there is still someone else who needs you.

We may not have been able to afford Chinese take out this month, but look what was on sale.

Yum!

                                                     

 

Cold, icy days stuck indoors generates creativity

Economic downsizing can result in dream job...

And suffering grants new life

Lord, today, let me give up. Give up holding on to all that isn't... cause me to gratefully embrace what is. Because in embracing what You've given, I embrace You.

               Could I know more Joy?

 These things have I spoken unto you, that in me ye may have peace. In the world ye have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world.

John 16:33 

God not only takes away the bitterness and gives sweetness in its place, but turns the bitterness into sweetness itself.
                 ~Charles Spurgeon

Always Seeking Higher ground,

Nora